A week or so ago I came across an essay in the New York Times about how to fall in love…with anyone. That’s right, anyone.
Of course, that got my attention.
The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. The study suggests that personal disclosure is the key to intimacy. In a relationship, personal disclosure evolves over time -this study accelerates personal disclosure by having two strangers ask each other 36 questions. The questions start off pretty basic but become increasingly intimate. After answering the questions, the pair stares into each other’s eyes for FOUR minutes.
(I don’t know if I could be a grownup about that…I really don’t think I’d be able to stare into someone’s eyes (for the purpose of falling in love) & keep a straight face)
Anyway, it sounds a bit ridiculous. I've been on so many first dates, with every type of man imaginable –the jerk, the clinger, the flake, the cheapskate…I just have a hard time believing that this could work.
But here’s the thing: IT HAS.
So maybe I’ll show up at my next first date with the list of 36 questions and put this theory to a test!
Until then, I thought it’d be fun to answer a few of them on this here blog.
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
No, I think I’d hate being in the public eye. I love wearing sweats too much.
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Not usually, only if I’m intimidated by the person I’m calling.
What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
A slow start to the day, coffee under a warm blanket. Lunch or brunch on a patio somewhere. Afternoons on the lake. Dinner at an urban restaurant. Time spent with the people I love.
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
I’m always singing. When I’m in the car, in the shower, while I clean…it’s almost second nature. I probably sing in front of people without even realizing it, but the last time I sang in front of someone on purpose was a few months ago.
What do you value most in a friendship?
Loyalty & acceptance, my best friends are those whom I can be goofy in front of. Also, I can eat as many slices of pizza as my heart desires, without hesitation, because I know they get me.
What is your most treasured memory?
Singing (of course it involves singing) Christmas carols with my family on Christmas Eve. My late grandmother would play the piano and everyone would gather around. I remember feeling so much love around that piano. I would give anything to be able to do that one more time.
What roles do love and affection play in your life?
My family is very affectionate. We tell each other “I love you” without hesitation. My mom still hugs and kisses on us. Our Dad is the same way; he makes sure we know how precious we are to him. Just yesterday my grandfather was quoting Proverbs 17:6 about grandchildren being crowns to the aged. He told me I was his crown. I don’t think I could be in a relationship without affection …so I’d say love and affection are at the top of the list.
Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
I wish I had someone with whom I could share my life with. Yes, it’s cliché. But it’s true. Sometimes I worry that I’ll always be alone, simply because I am so content when I’m alone. I love my life. I have an amazing family and my friends are pretty awesome too. I can buy myself pretty things and travel wherever I please. (Actually, I can’t even commit to having a dog because I don’t want to be tied down…so having a boyfriend is a hard concept to grasp). And dating sucks. I hate it. Sometimes I think I avoid it on purpose…but maybe, just maybe, when I meet the right person, it will all be worth it. So this year I’m determined to step out of my comfort zone.
Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
I would grab this quilt, I plan on sharing its story on another blog post. and I know this is breaking the rules but I’d also save my grandmother’s painting. It’s located on the wall inside the front door so it is totally feasible that I’d be able to get it & the blanket!
To see the full list of questions, click here.
And I promise, the next first date I have, I will totally pull these questions out and see if it works…if any boys are reading this and are brave enough to put it to the test, look me up @orrbrittney