I realize 2013 is officially in the past. We welcomed 2014 and I am ready to surge forward into what is sure to be a year of growth and (hopefully) happiness.
However, I can’t help but look back on 2013 and share a final farewell.
Inspired by the fabulous (Oklahoma Native) Whitney English, I thought I’d create a list of my successes and struggles in the past year. I think it is important to remember your struggles because they are constantly changing and evolving. I’m going to do my best to be honest (it’s a little scary internet) because I think our struggles make us better. They push us to grow and overcome. They teach us to be resilient and most of all, they've brought me closer to God.
Success: Building friendships, old and new. I don’t know how to say this without sounding weird but being a good friend is a challenge for me. I am not very good at calling and checking in. I am perfectly content with staying at home in my PJ’s and watching a movie…by myself. This year I’ve grown closer to new friends and have truly learned the meaning of friendship. I have an AMAZING support system here in Ada. There were times that I didn’t feel like going out or seeing people but I made it a priority to step out of my comfort zone and it totally paid off.
(not pictured: Corey & Susan -We need to take more pictures together, I couldn't find a single one!)
Struggle: Dating and/or being single (I’ve never said that on the internet and I really don’t like talking about it but it is the truth). I feel soo conflicted. I want to have a family. I want to be a mom. I want to be passionately in love, but…I HATE dating. I get a pit in my stomach before every date I go on. There is so much dread and anxiety. Why is that? Why can’t I be one of those women who enjoy receiving attention from men?
Also, every time a friend or family member asks about my dating life, or offers me “advice,” I immediately switch into defense mode. I don’t like being set up on blind dates. I don’t want to date your daughters little league soccer coach. I don’t want unsolicited advice. I’m tired of not being included in certain events (ahem, co-ed bridal shower…) because of my marital status. I am tired of feeling isolated and unworthy of things because I’m not reproducing! (see…I’m doing it again, I’m getting defensive). I just want to publically admit that yes, I would love to be madly in love. I would love to have a family of my own…but I won’t settle. I know your questions and statements regarding my dating life come from a place of love and support…I guess I’m just letting you know that it is an insecurity and I consider this to be a private matter, something I struggle with. I love you and I hope I haven’t offended you!
Success: Buying my first home! It was such a leap. I had no idea what went into buying a house and I am so proud of myself for taking the risk. I have learned so much (we’ll get to the specifics later) and I love being a homeowner!
Struggle: Anxiety over things I can’t control. This has been a struggle for most of my life. When I first moved into my house I was paranoid about someone breaking in. I worry about my family and their health. I worry about my younger siblings and their safety...I had a few issues with my heart and for several weeks, I didn’t know what was causing it. I had serious anxiety over the tests, getting the results, whether or not I needed surgery, blah blah blah (I’m totally fine, it wasn’t a big deal). I worry about being abducted (too many lifetime movies). I worry about small things that don’t matter. Day to day issues like getting somewhere on time or remembering to get trash bags at the grocery store.
Success: Being a homeowner. If homeownership was a class, I would have an A+! I learned to garden, mow the lawn, texture dry wall, refinish the fireplace…painting, painting and more painting…killing and disposing bugs of all shapes and sizes; it’s been a year full of trial and error and I've never felt more independent in my entire life.
Struggle: This blog. I struggle to find the time. I struggle to find the words. I just struggle. I hope that changes in 2014. Blogging is something I love and it makes me so happy. I want to blog more this year.
Success: At work. I love my job and the people I work with. I know how rare that is and I am so thankful for the opportunities I've had this year. I had a HUGE presentation that couldn't have gone better and I have new opportunities that I'm very excited about.
Struggle: Diet and Exercise…welcome to adulthood.
Success: Doing things I love. Cooking. Decorating. Crafting. Reading. Spending time with family. Traveling. Getting my toes did. Laughing. Singing. Going to the theatre…I think it’s important to do things that make you happy. It keeps me sane when I’m struggling. It’s something small that makes a big impact on my day or week.
So I look forward to 2014. I hope to overcome a few of these struggles and continue to encounter success.
It’s been 2014 for two days and I'm already off to a good start!
I shot a gun for the first time.
And I tried a new Pioneer Woman recipe.
Happy New Year friends!